My dream (Apparently I'm masochistic for pouring my heart out like this...)

[poet_at_heart]

 I sit in the dark, I'm not even wearing my glasses, 'cause I have to write this realization down before it escapes my floating mind or my dad finds out... That realization is, I now know how to overcome those things I hate about myself. It is quite simple. I only have to produce something which makes all the people I respect and love from the bottom of my heart say: Good job! We love you and we respect you!

For A-chan, mom, dad, my 'Leading Stars', slowsunrise and my Nee-sans to say something like that... It seems impossible as I am right now. But it would weight oh so much heavier that all those times I've been bullied 'cause of my name, 'cause I do things a bit different, 'cause I got a short temper because I got bullied... And I want them to say it from their hearts, like I do. I love you guys, mom and dad knows that, I can tell them that to their faces every day, but I don't.

So in the end, for me to stop hating myself, and finally get that dream, I have a very long way to go, full of self loathing.

Comments

[maggie-inside.livejournal.com]

*sniff*...now you made me cry. Breaks my heart to read this!

Is it just me, or have you been kinda depressed lately?
Now you listen to me young lady! You are absolutely great, an amazing writer and a lot stronger than you think you are! And you've been a great friend and support for me in the last year, even if you don't know it! So don't make me come up there and teach you a lesson! *shakes fist*

And I must be masochistic for writing this, 'cause it makes me look like a complete pussy *looks down on herself*...oh yeah, I am!

~sends a lot of love~~

Have a nice day! ;-)

[greensan.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the club of Broke Hearts, I'm the residing president for the time being.

And yes, I have. My period is fucking up my life and I can't get my head around anything. Call it WB, call it suffering from a broken heart or fear of losing those I hold dear or hurting them, I just can't see my own value right now...

But you wanna know what the biggest shit is? I KNOW I'm strong, I KNOW I can do nice stuff as my poems, but in the end I compare it to what others do and find myself so small. Still, I'm glad I've helped you, maybe you would cry if I disappeared.

[maggie-inside.livejournal.com]

It scares me sometimes how much we're alike! Very scary!

[greensan.livejournal.com]

You're down too? ... Girl, go to a model agency or something, you got the length at least XD

[maggie-inside.livejournal.com]

I was more thinking of the period thing! XD
And I'm way too shy to be a model! But thanks ^^

[slowsunrise.livejournal.com]

You have done very many things that makes me love you, and they keep coming.

The only bad thing is that you're making me sad writing things like ths, and that I can't be there to say that it's alright, that it's fine, that you are perfect in every way.

So, in 20 days, 5 hours, 13 minutes, I promise to hug you tight, just to make you realize that!

We all love you! Especially me.

[greensan.livejournal.com]

... -huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug- Damn you asshole for leaving the country!! TT^^^TT