Hopefully you'll read this...
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Have you ever felt like words are tearing in your throat? That they're clawing inside of your chest and threaten to suffocate you if do not speak them out loud? But that you still can't say them, because that will hurt the one they're directed at?
Of course, everyone feels like that once in a while... But that doesn't make the pain smaller, does not erase the shame darkening my heart nor the tears which fell from my eyes the moment I stepped inside the door to my family's apartment. That fact can't help my mom from feeling powerless and I am so fucked up that not even comparing my life to someone else's will help right now.
Not one to touch, to laugh together with, to stay up late with and watch anime and fool around. I love you, the ones I've met over the net and you're FRIENDS, not mere buddies. I set a great difference between those two words. A buddy is someone I talk with at school, a friend is someone whom I'll cry rivers for if I lose. And I only have one friend I can touch. Otherwise the nearest one is about 1000 km away...
But I can't tell this to your face, I had to tear the words from inside to just ask how long you would be gone. Snälla förlåt mig för att jag är såhär svag.
Sorry for throwing out this negative rant, but as I told Gecko, I'm a cynic. If you want to tell me something, shot, my baby has already shoot me down*. Right now I'll lock myself into my room and listen to RENT songs and try to write some of this shit of. Await angst.
*Shameless hint to old song I heard at the radio; Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra.
Of course, everyone feels like that once in a while... But that doesn't make the pain smaller, does not erase the shame darkening my heart nor the tears which fell from my eyes the moment I stepped inside the door to my family's apartment. That fact can't help my mom from feeling powerless and I am so fucked up that not even comparing my life to someone else's will help right now.
No matter how pathetic I feel, I can not bring my lips and vocal cord to utter thirteen simple words;
I don't want you to go, I'm going to miss you too much.
And before you ask why I feel like this, I'm gonna tell you. My best friend might go to Japan for a year after the next summer. It's almost a year away. I might have left the town, either of us might be dead, we might not even be friends then. But I'm still afraid. Because, IF she leaves and IF we're both alive and still friends, I won't have any friends left.Not one to touch, to laugh together with, to stay up late with and watch anime and fool around. I love you, the ones I've met over the net and you're FRIENDS, not mere buddies. I set a great difference between those two words. A buddy is someone I talk with at school, a friend is someone whom I'll cry rivers for if I lose. And I only have one friend I can touch. Otherwise the nearest one is about 1000 km away...
But I can't tell this to your face, I had to tear the words from inside to just ask how long you would be gone. Snälla förlåt mig för att jag är såhär svag.
Sorry for throwing out this negative rant, but as I told Gecko, I'm a cynic. If you want to tell me something, shot, my baby has already shoot me down*. Right now I'll lock myself into my room and listen to RENT songs and try to write some of this shit of. Await angst.
*Shameless hint to old song I heard at the radio; Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra.
Re: Hey You <3
Date: 2010-11-21 08:29 pm (UTC)And I'll be honest with you. You're not really a friends yet. But you're on your way girl, you're on your way towards that place when I store them. Deep inside my heart where I give you guys honey and wine and cry for your sake so that you always can be the amazing people you are.
Thank you. From the bottom of my crooked and strange heart, thank you.
Re: Hey You <3
Date: 2010-11-23 09:06 am (UTC)*hugs hard* Currently, I'm on some kind of energy which reminds me of a flickering candle flame...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-21 08:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-21 08:36 pm (UTC)Det är inte mycket att se men jag har ett ställe du måste se. Jag är inte viktig men tack för att du älskar mig. Jag behöver en riktig kram men de du skickar räcker mer än väl.
Sleep tight, don't let the bedfox bite.