Nothing... Just nothing, since I don't want to burden more people.

[poet_at_heart]

I need to rant. As if I haven't done that enough to my friends 'til their ears are bleeding... But I write these over and over again in my head, so I need to put it down on, black on white, in some form.

I wish I knew what's wrong. Why I feel like crying, why I am crying or why having someone to hug me suddenly means so fucking lot... Is it because my best friend might be gone for a year? 'Cause of stress over school and future work? Or since my mind feels like it'll implode, by fragments of ideas and stories and characters that never can take flight?

Am I still affected by the car accident? Or is it just my hormones again?

I wish I fucking knew. Sure, I can't do a shit against any of those things, except getting pills for the hormones, but still... It would be nice to know.

Nice to know why I fall together now, why it's so fucking hard to breathe. I'm sorry for all my complains, for my ranting, for my weakness I'm trying to get rid of. Everything is just building up, and I feel horrible about it. I feel bad for feeling bad, creating this horrible circle I can't break.

"Love yourself," I tell everyone. But I am a fucking hypocrite, I don't love myself. I love my body, sure, and I sometimes can think that I look quite good. But I hate my personality. I hate my loudness, my need, my hypocrisy and that I can't do jackshit for my friends.

Whom I know have really bad times too. So sorry. Even though I know very, very well that that words doesn't change a shit.

Maybe I just should see a doctor or something... But I'd worry my parents too much then. Fuck it. Just fuck it and I'll try and push through again. Maybe I'll make it this time. Maybe I'll break for real this time.

I just want to know WHICH!

Comments

[sweden-chan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Just gonna say, if you want to see a doctor, but not worry your parents, go to ungdomsmottagningen. They're there for people to talk, and to help. And you can go to them in town, no need to tell your parents, if you don't want to.

[greensan.livejournal.com]

*snuggle* I know... I just didn't feel like I got help there last time when I went there 'cause of my menstrual pains. -.-'

[sweden-chan.livejournal.com]

*pats head* Maybe they're better at teenage depression? Or do you maybe want to talk to my aunt or someone in Sundsvall? Maybe they're better there than in Härnösand

[greensan.livejournal.com]

I'll go there tomorrow and see what they say. Not sure if talking to your aunt would be that good of an idea, in a way. In another it's an awesome one.

[sweden-chan.livejournal.com]

Ok, just tell me if you decide you want me to connect you two ^^ I'll call her.

btw, want to sleep at my place tomorrow or saturday? We have Glee and Tangled~

[greensan.livejournal.com]

OMFG Tangled!? OwO Tomorrow please~

Och tack för att du ställer upp. *kraaaam*

[sweden-chan.livejournal.com]

oki~ Det är bara du, jag och pappa, Alex är på hajk~ Nått särskillt du skulle vilja äta? =3

[greensan.livejournal.com]

Kan vi inte göra den där räkpastan igen? Den var så god. ;w; Eller pizza för den delen~

[astridmyrna.livejournal.com]

D: Good grief, that's a lot for anyone to handle! *hugs*
And don't feel guilty about unloading your feelings! They're very heavy and can cause a lot of chaos!

[greensan.livejournal.com]

To me, that's not much. I know a ton of people who've handled much, much more. But I have to remember that I know a lot of people who hasn't, too...
Just writing this down made me feel much better, so I'm almost okay now. But I'll probably went more like this in the future... Things bubble over easily now. >.<'

[amelia-seyroon.livejournal.com]

Car crash?! D:

Good grief, you're too young to be going through all of this. Not when you still have your whole life ahead of you. :/:/:/:/


Rev up those hugs by ~Qsteel on deviantART

[greensan.livejournal.com]

Well, a car crashed into the bus I was sitting in... Got me a little shaken, I guess. >.<''