I live on the dark side of the moon.

I guess there must be something wrong with my body/looks then, since everyone keeps telling me I'm such a nice, funny and loveable person.

Please excuse me, just pondering on why it seems like I can't find someone to connect with on a romantic level. Right now I'm in that deep valley where you wonder if anyone will ever put a 'girl' before the 'friend' when talking about you. The place where you think that you'll never find someone because it didn't work out this time either.

And I better kick my ass and get out of it soon, since I'm tired of crying. And I have good friends who're here for me. I should be satisfied with that, since it's more than I've ever had. Somewhere out there it's someone waiting for me, someone who'll kiss my tears away instead of just drying them. Someone who'll love to hold me, and tell me that in a sweet whisper. Someone who'll stomach all these complains I'm spewing out.

Sorry, I'll try and go to sleep now. I just want to move on...

(In case you're wondering, then it's just that I'm just pretty sure now that the guy I'm interested in isn't interested back. And it's not that good for my self-love.)

Me and my troubles have a love-hate relation... Yeah, I actually like my troubles, because without them I would probably be HORRIBLE, even worse than I am now, a really moaning and groaning bitch. But I still hate them 'cause they are, well, troubles. Though I hate some other things more than my troubles themselves:

1. My most trusted friends have it worse than me.

2. The people a little farther away doesn't understand.

3. Strangers doesn't care.

So what's the troubles? Well, they're so fucking small that I feel like a spoilled brat if I talk about them. Since what is a PMSing dad to parents getting a divorce? What is your own raging hormones to not having a chance to work in your own country to a good salary? How can knowing that your dad will have a hard time accepting it if you got a girlfriend be on the same level as a best friend loving you and then taking suicide?

Can someone please just glue my mouth closed so I'll shut up? Sure, everyone deserves a voice, but what I have to say is so small that it doesn't deserve being mentioned...

And how hypocritical am I on a scale for putting this in an open journal?

Let me tell you a little story that took place about two and a half year ago, during my first year in High School, in the computer class. Those leesongs were very relaxed for me, since I already knew what the teacher were teaching or learnt it very quickly. I by default ended those classes with reading the latest manga...

One of those classes, by cellphone suddenly started ringing and the teacher got irritated, of course, but I answered it. It was my dad. Who told me that my mom was at the hospital, but it wasn't life threatening. She just had cyst about 10 cm wide on her ovarian. Just.

(Anyhow, that's the reason to why I always carry my cellphone with me on vibration. If only the damn thing could vibrate a little more when I get a text.)

Now, why do I tell this? 'Cause my mom isn't in the best of shapes again, and I'm going away to the other end of the country for two weeks with little chance of getting home in case something happens. And couple that with what recently happened in Norway and that the Camp I'm going to is the biggest in the world...

It's only natural for me to be worried, right? Especially when I don't even know what I'll be doing as an IST and I only know two others there.

Right...?

Day 72: A song from a soap star turned singer, you'd think no-one else will post. (Don't cheat by scrolling through previous posts).

A song from a what?



( The other 28 days~ )

It's quite interesting... I don't think anyone will think that I'm an educated florist, that my favorite buildings in town is the library, museum and church and that I have huge interest in comics and Asia. At least not when I walk through town dressed in a black biker jacket, brown/green cargo pants and my regular cap...

Seriously, the only give away for anything with popular culture is my pink umbrella. Otherwise, I have no damn idea what to say, I can't find any relation between my looks and my interests. Writing, reading and poetry maybe, but just maybe.

If you'd see me at town, would you believe it was me as you know me?



Day 33: A really short song.

I always think this song is so damn short... Though, I really love it~



( The other 67 days~ )

Well, dudes and dudettes... Apparently it's my birthday today Ô__o

Why yes, the reindeer is turning 19, and it doesn't feel that horrible like it did when I turned 18 -w- Instead, I'm running around lika a chicken without a head over graduating in 10 days 8D

Seriously, I've been so busy getting that fact into my head that I just remembered yesterday that it was my birthday today > >'

*feels very ego going on about this* Uhm... >////<

UppCon might be a possibility, in case I get a work there, since the payment fucked up for sweden_chan who was the one in charge of our hotell tickets and her own ticket. They disappeared into thin air. Poff. But if we can work in the sleeping halls, then everything is fixed~ Sleeping quarters and free entry to the convention 8D

I might as well continue to blabber on, eh? It's about something I've been thinking about writing here for quite some time, after reading other persons opinions on the uke-seme relation. I think the most who reads this journal knows that I'm bi (I wish I had some girl to have something on with too, instead of just guys! TT^TT) and I'm with everyone who says that's there's no Man or Woman in a homosexual relationship. Heck, I don't even think you can apply the traditional roles to straight couples all the time >__>'

Which brings me to fanfiction (My mind works like this, deal with it XD) and what I think about how characters are portrayed and what roles they are put in. And all I can say is, in my fics, you'll probably never see Sanji top Zoro. But wait, didn't I just say that there's no Man or Woman in a homosexual relationship?

Yes, yes I did. It's just that I have a hard time writing something that doesn't, to be honest, turn me on. I prefer Zoro topping (as seme), him as an uke is just boring for me to read. Not evenstark_black could make me enjoy uke!Zoro! And if she can't, then no one can...

So, just assume that he's topping in the sex I don't write down, 'kay? This applies to other couples I ship, like SmoAce, AceLu and hell-knows-what, anyone can top! I just have preferences and don't like to read/write some characters as ukes/semes, that does not mean that I'm against them to also have a dominant role in the relation.

Zoro may like being a uke, but I'll only give him the pleasure of being a seme, he'll just have to deal with it (=w=)b Like all other people.

And I think this was one of my longest posts ever! Thank you Amelia for the present! It was wonderful, really not something I expected but something I really appreciated~